Month: June 2018

Being observant, having the need to make sense of every single thing, being a Sherlock Holmes-type wannabe are things I’m fond of when it comes to my personality. They allow me to play games in my head; allow me to test hypotheses, and so conveniently ignore the ones i had to reject and at the same time celebrate the ones that proved to be true. Now, are there consequences to this approach, to this over-reliance on visible phenomena and conveniently connected dots that make the sense that you want to make? Being a subject and hence subjective allows for some margin of error: i’m not all-wise and righteous, I don’t want to be, i’m a person, end of story. However, there’s a point where you can tire yourself and that’s a real consequence, one that is felt and is in your face. Do I over-analyse? Only a bit on the good days and exhaustingly on the bad ones. But despite the masochistic nature of these games and exercises, is there something to be learned? The need to analyse or over-analyse comes from sensing opportunities, opportunities to understand something differently or something new, identify a threat, manoeuvre to a stronger position using this information, re-visiting the existing game-plan and strategy. While the value and validity of such opportunities is prone to biases (“confirmation bias” being a strong example) it cannot be worthless. Your instinct that tells you “Hey! Maybe you should have a look here, i think something is not right” cannot be totally wrong and even if it’s grossly wrong, ignoring it creates more tension and stress as if it’s like ignoring your own self. Pay attention to it: why am I suddenly so conveniently smoking daily, convincing myself that I’m still a social smoker only? Is there something I’m feeling shitty about? Is there something I’m punishing myself for? Is this new habit that’s going contrary to the healthy and fit “me” in line with other habits that I also shouldn’t entertain? For what am I trying to convince myself that everything is alright, or rather what is the purpose that these newly implemented habits are serving, making me inefficient, over-analysing (this post being part of it), unhealthy, putting me in a vicious circle where no benefit could come from it? These are some questions that give me back the power of controlling myself, of seeing these diversions that are put in front of my eyes so that I can ignore the real problem, the thing that’s meriting attention, that I should most probably re-visit. Because ultimately where there’s smoke there’s fire and trusting your instincts is trusting yourself. Self-respect is something we forget these days and if I can practice it more through asking such questions, then good for me!