This peace.

This peace I feel is the absence of highs, the absence of lows, the new ‘makes me feel alive’ kind of state that reminds me that this is not to be taken for granted, that my good health and painless experience is all I can wish for – a foundation that is sought out and once it arrives, it seems it always was here, waiting patiently until I became sober from all the chronic and instant troubles, to reveal itself.

This peace, this stillness, asks for nothing more than presence. It is a mirror for what I’ve always been – no performances, no justifications, no promises, no hopes and no fears – everything is exactly where it should be. Despite the courage and strength that this peace unveils, I hear reluctant whispers that can become much bolder if I indulge in the thoughts they provoke: “How can I make the best out of this state?” asks the productive self wanting to control the outcome and put lightning in a bottle. “Surely, this will not last. It is not sustainable.” says the self that has been conditioned to believe that good things are meant for other people and that good times are just good luck, a candle light flickering before it dies – a short-lived warmth.

But, this peace starts to feel like a new home, a home that I will not be asked to move out from or be told that I don’t have the means to maintain. I will be audacious enough to accept this new reality because maybe I deserve it – maybe the soil is fertile enough, accepting enough, of the goodness, of the compassion and of the kindness I have in me, that I can start offering to others because I have offered it first to myself.

This peace is a privilege and a blessing – a state that I’ve allowed myself to deserve.

False alarm.

I am alone as it happens to be, this evening. Not a rare phenomenon, but one that seems to grab my attention, because of the hopes and the fears that it encourages. Allowing yourself to be alone, without constant distractions in the various forms they come in creates a space that you can inhabit, alone, let the inner voice find its own pace and rhythm, to alert you, to inform you, to communicate with you of what is here and what is not. Of course what we call as being alone is a state or a perception that can be embodied in the most secluded areas and in the most buzzing and crowded spaces – what you do with it and how welcoming you are of it may decide how revealing and how nourishing it can be for you.

For me, this aloneness has lately been, in many cases, filled with a longing, a pulsating inner voice that I’ve learned to associate with the inner child in me and more specifically to the child that just needs acknowledgment, having been conditioned for so long to be ignored, suppressed or mistook for being a personality pattern or a signal and an urgency for coming to the conclusion that things have to change, that I need to move, that I need to act, that I am in danger. Well, lately and more consciously these past couple of days, I’ve been naive and simple enough to just put my hand between my chest and stomach, sometimes a hand on my neck in a compassionate way, in an understanding way, in a ‘I know, I know, I can see you, I can hear you, I’m here’ kind of way, having the hope that this would be adequate or enough in relieving the stress, the worry, the concern of where I am, what I’m doing, who I’ve come to be and to eventually rewire the conditioning that this voice is necessary to alert me and to remind me.

While the inner voice can guide us in many ways and convey messages that we should listen to, this ‘longing’ voice turns out to be adequately acknowledged and soothed, even for a short period of time, with this simple touch, warmth and compassion. What initially can be mistaken as an incoming emotional storm, sounding the alarm for the closest self-soothing mechanism you can get your hands on, moments after it shows its true face, as the voice that just needs a bit of your time. This voice, that now that I’m noticing, is showing its head more frequently now, or only now I’ve become conscious of its presence and its intention, is now more than welcome to come and hang whenever. I’ll be here waiting for it for whenever the need arises, saving the seat next to me just for that voice, with an eagerness to hear all about it and to return a warm smile to reassure that everything is going to be just fine and that it should visit more often.

No need for a ‘why?’ or a ‘how?’.

I feel tired, at the end of the day, sitting in front of my laptop, inspired by the dream of cutting through performative, defensive and pretentious thoughts and finally allowing my true unfiltered self to express itself – here, now. Consciousness talking about itself feels already performative and pretentious. Seating down writing a draft meant for my blog is already something that under brief examination appears to be diluting the sincerity of what i write and the attempt for genuine expression. What should my compass be? What am i aiming for here? To express a need, an unspoken truth, a suppressed desire? I guess profound sounds like something that it should be, unforced should also be somewhere in the mix. So here i go:

Should I walk? Should i run? Should i ‘hack’ my way into a state of stillness where the limbic system feels unnecessary? Should I get so tired that my body takes over my brain and forces it to comply? No more nagging I say to my sensitive, emotional and intuitive self. Enough with your hyper-vigilance, looking over your shoulder as if someone with a knife will stab you in the ribs. When have you ever been attacked in such a way that such fears even exist? What has happened so frequently to you and in which environments did you frequent that you now feel that at any point in time someone will scheme against you, someone will discredit you or deem you unworthy of their time and attention? How insensitive and inadequate where your caregivers during your younger years? What made you feel that voicing your needs would not be a solution to your fears and concerns? Why did you turn to disappointment, despair and eventually bitterness and resentment? These questions are part acknowledgment and validation of my fears but they are also judgment and shaming. If only I had a time machine – a streaming platform to watch Season 5, episode 3 where my mother ignored my cries for attention and warmth. But I don’t. And I don’t need to understand, I don’t need to know, I don’t need any other reason or proof to know that I should help the child in me up. The child that looks inconsolable, the child that scraped their knee after a fall and had his wounds untended for too long now. I don’t need to know why and how – what caused the fall or what the child could do to avoid it – all that’s needed is a warm hug, a ‘there-there’, a ‘let’s go home, i’ll fix you some soup’. And that is what I need right now – love, care and to be compassionate with myself. In the face of open wounds and aching the warmth of acceptance and compassion is all that will ever be needed. Just stay with him now – tell him everything is going to be okay – and see the child’s smile return, a flower bloom and with a face full of sun see his future with optimism and grace. But for now just be there and be present – the child needs it and you need it too.

Identifying a worthy goal.

You have close ties with your family, you have close and hang-out type friendships, you have your hobbies and interests, you have a decent job, you are healthy (in the broader sense – no life threatening conditions) yet something does not feel right, something feels inadequate, more and more frequent ‘blue’ periods, desensitisation of experiences and dreading reliving another day of that nice and cosy routine you made for yourself some time ago. Something is revolting inside of you, trying to tell you “this old tune you’ve been playing does not serve its purpose anymore. Time to look elsewhere.” These cycles from the ‘I’m set’ to the ‘Something isn’t right’ are normal – at least for me. They are not always a cause for alarm – at least not in hindsight – they are a sign you are self aware, sensitive, in tune with yourself and your feelings and at the same time highlight vulnerabilities and oversensitivities (is that a word? – the spellcheck shouts it isn’t but i’ll leave it there) which mean you are self aware, you receive feedback which you can notice and work on.

However, when these cycles are frequent, they do not feel sustainable, they do not make me feel like i can brace myself until this short storm passes, they are a signal that I’m potentially forcing myself through sheer will to do something that is suppressing a deeper truth, the revelation of that ‘holy grail’, the life’s purpose, that will make the inner child a bit more happy and content. Now that sounds profound and important but how does one translate this thought into action? How do you examine and explore the environments around you for that next goal, that next opportunity that will light the fire in you and numb the strain of pursuit?

Well I think one can start by looking through the right lens, using the right filters and potentially look in a way that will indeed bring you closer to that fleeting ‘life purpose’. These filters i believe can primarily be your values – the important principles that guide the way you interact with life in general, the non-negotiables. The other filters can be your passions, the things that significantly resonate with you, the effortless, time-bending, spirit-nourishing activities. One would assume that values and passions should not conflict with each other – if they do I would more confidently say to recheck what you think are your values than the other way around – maybe the values you think you have are legacy values – values you think you should have, while passions are tied to feelings which are real-time – current feedback that something is attractive to you and hence more likely to be true.

Another way to identify the worthy goal towards a worthy purpose is finding (online or in person) people, motivating, inspirational people, who for some reason what they say just resonates with you and ask yourself, why does that resonate? It may not be what their expertise, their subject matter per-se is, it may be the way they apply their skills and talents to that particular arena i.e. if an F1 team manager is inspiring you it might not be the wisest to deduce that you should pursue an F1-related career in some way – or it might be, who knows – it is more likely that this person is just unique, inspiring, putting things together in a way that resonates with you – learn from them, don’t try to imitate them.

While you try to identify a new area of interest through the above ways it could be also useful not to look too far because the target may be closer than you think – feelings may promote a sense of ‘i need a total change of scenery’ – it could be but make sure you consider this. Look for adjacent areas, look for similar things in different environments, different work-cultures if possible – identify the pain point and act accordingly from there.

A final thought to self and to the reader, as all the above were, be cautious when receiving advice, especially from people who know you really well. People might see this effort in identifying the next goal as a volatile reaction – an over reaction to the current status quo – on your behalf and try to protect you by keeping you where you are, in a stable and predictable environment. Listen and empathise with them but do not forget that on that journey you will embark on you are the captain and you are the ship and to be truly of service to others you also need to be of service to yourself – respect your needs, chase your dreams and enjoy the journey.

Where there’s smoke…

Being observant, having the need to make sense of every single thing, being a Sherlock Holmes-type wannabe are things I’m fond of when it comes to my personality. They allow me to play games in my head; allow me to test hypotheses, and so conveniently ignore the ones i had to reject and at the same time celebrate the ones that proved to be true. Now, are there consequences to this approach, to this over-reliance on visible phenomena and conveniently connected dots that make the sense that you want to make? Being a subject and hence subjective allows for some margin of error: i’m not all-wise and righteous, I don’t want to be, i’m a person, end of story. However, there’s a point where you can tire yourself and that’s a real consequence, one that is felt and is in your face. Do I over-analyse? Only a bit on the good days and exhaustingly on the bad ones. But despite the masochistic nature of these games and exercises, is there something to be learned? The need to analyse or over-analyse comes from sensing opportunities, opportunities to understand something differently or something new, identify a threat, manoeuvre to a stronger position using this information, re-visiting the existing game-plan and strategy. While the value and validity of such opportunities is prone to biases (“confirmation bias” being a strong example) it cannot be worthless. Your instinct that tells you “Hey! Maybe you should have a look here, i think something is not right” cannot be totally wrong and even if it’s grossly wrong, ignoring it creates more tension and stress as if it’s like ignoring your own self. Pay attention to it: why am I suddenly so conveniently smoking daily, convincing myself that I’m still a social smoker only? Is there something I’m feeling shitty about? Is there something I’m punishing myself for? Is this new habit that’s going contrary to the healthy and fit “me” in line with other habits that I also shouldn’t entertain? For what am I trying to convince myself that everything is alright, or rather what is the purpose that these newly implemented habits are serving, making me inefficient, over-analysing (this post being part of it), unhealthy, putting me in a vicious circle where no benefit could come from it? These are some questions that give me back the power of controlling myself, of seeing these diversions that are put in front of my eyes so that I can ignore the real problem, the thing that’s meriting attention, that I should most probably re-visit. Because ultimately where there’s smoke there’s fire and trusting your instincts is trusting yourself. Self-respect is something we forget these days and if I can practice it more through asking such questions, then good for me!

The buffer zone

This post is about the buffer zone, the transition period, the waiting room. It is about the place you are that will lead you to something else, but you don’t know what that is. See, everyone always says, luck smiles to those who keep trying or that the world belongs to the brave. But life isn’t that predictable and while hindsight is 20/20, if we are honest we will say that during those tough times, the times where uncertainty was lurking, the times where chaos over-powered order, stress overwhelmed us. Being unable to predict the future, feeling un-safe, feeling that nothing is set in stone is a real recipe for chronic stress and ever-present anxiety. Now, those brave ones who persisted, those hustlers who pioneered the American dream, what exactly where they going for and what exactly kept them going? Some had families to support, others had dreams to realise, others had a chip on their shoulder, others simply where following footsteps of people who led the way. Everyone of those people found a purpose or had a purpose given to them, and many times when life shows you a dead-end all you can do is just go for it. Failure is not an option. Now what happens to those of us who are loved by their family, who have a family to begin with, have a respected job, have friends who care for them? Are such people allowed to complain? How can such a life be one with any complaints at all? These 1st world problems are flooding our lives and are increasingly a real pain in the ass. Well, I guess when something is overwhelming you need to address it, 1st world problem or not. Acknowledge the challenge, compare if you want with how someone else is dealing with similar issues and feel as bad as you want to feel for yourself. It’s not going to change anything regardless of your routine of reactions; you are allowed to feel lost, to feel unfulfilled. These are signals, these are feedback, these are life and these are you. Are we machines? As far as we know we are not! Why expect of ourselves; this vulnerable, malleable to the experience and environment, biased, fragile self both physically and mentally to be as efficient as machines and also expect to be able to correct a fault as soon as it appears? Are we even listening to what our brain is saying? If we are in the buffer zone and things are unclear, we simply need to embrace that state, it is all we can do! Let’s not ignore how uncomfortable that makes us and let’s just let it sink in, try to understand it and give it time to shape itself. Allow yourself to be slow and inefficient. Expecting otherwise will lead to more disappointment and damaging of the ego which is not necessary. The buffer zone is there for a reason. The buffer zone is the zone before a breakthrough, before a light-bulb moment, before clarity, before fresh air. Accept it and just be. It will be so much easier to approach it with a more peaceful manner than just ignore it and reject it. Embrace it, give it some space and watch it bloom.

An attitude helpful to yourself

It’s easy to get confused, to over-think, to ruminate, to get excited by tv-worthy drama in your head, it’s hard to turn a mind that indulges in maximalist behaviour into minimal behaviour but i think this is the way to go forward, to make things simpler. This is the way to waste the least time, to make clear decisions and sustainable progress, slowly but surely during a period of time where it is easy to excuse yourself if you haven’t exceeded expectations. At the end of the day you will know if you wasted time or not, we are our own worst enemy and the guilt from the easy comparison to the better lives of others can strike you down so build something to give yourslef the courage. Have an attitude that might be counterintuitive to your habits but that is not allowing you to overindulge in negativity and self-victimisation. And I’m not saying that you should feel lucky because other people have it worse; that usually doesn’t work: we live and assess life through our own perspectives, we are subjective by nature. What I’m saying is to take it easy on yourself. External factors will always be harsh when you are striving for something so the internal environment needs to be hospitable, it needs to understand you and allow you to recover, getting ready for the next grind. It needs to be a calm, collected and composed strategy centre, do not bring war back home; home is for relaxing, it’s for re-grouping, it’s for being vulnerable and understood. Do not confuse drive and ambition with self-cannibalisation and self-beating. So develop habits that help you to continue improving, to continue reaching, to realise your dreams: an expression our cynical adult selves have titled as ‘cheesy’, but why do we do anything really? Is it to just survive? No, we do need some mystery, we do like the unknown, we do like to look at the horizon and imagine the what ifs! Help yourself to keep some warmth inside, to keep some magic along with the crucial no non-sense discipline. It’s a long, tough ride and we can use all the help we can get.

When in doubt, self-improve.

We all make plans in our heads. In fact I personally love them. The feeling of control and progress with no obstacles is something that is pure comfort. However, many times things don’t unravel in a predictable manner. Things will suck and let you know, you’re just another person, you should get your head out of the clouds, and that to be happy and care-free you need to work for it. There’s no rest for someone who wants things to go his way. In those sucky occasions the first check we all do is ask ourselves if we’ve made everything we could to avoid this; if we intuitively or factually knew this would happen but hoped things would be fine or disrespected the fact that things can so easily go wrong. When I pass this check I feel guilt-free and I give myself a pat on the shoulder.

So what do you do next? What do you do when a seemingly good, long-term plan looks just plainly tough to reconstruct after it shattered in unrecognisable pieces? What do you do when things aren’t as self-explaining as you expected and when you need to fight confusion and self-doubt and prepare the field for the next ‘perfect plan’? The answer is do something. Do not just stop to think of the what ifs, to reminisce on what could be a parallel universe if things went your way on that particular occasion. This is something we all do; we feel betrayed; we ask ‘why me?’, we compare ourselves to others. Instead we should take the loss as a champ and go back to work.

What work? I’m lost, that was my objective, I’m now confused and demotivated. That is when you should do something that appeals to your mature and wise side. Do something and in fact something that will lead to self-improvement. This could be anything: from reading books that you feel you always avoided and know will give you a fresh perspective on a subject, spend more time on a hobby to decompress and in general put in the time to develop a skill or accumulate some kind of knowledge that is not just time spent aimlessly on Youtube or a bad tv series or something that in hindsight would be a waste of time. The philosophy of kaizen, or continuous improvement, suggests that changes don’t need to be big based on the simple fact that all people are resistanct to change more or less on the same level (more on kaizen maybe on a different post in the future). Be wise and mature and appreciate the importance of incremental changes, of the fact that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, that all people who master something have put in those golden 10,000 hours of deep practice. It doesn’t happen in a day and it wouldn’t be as beneficial if it did.

You just need to sometimes believe blindly, even when things do not look like they’re going anywhere or when efforts aren’t fruitful, that putting in the time every day on anything constructive is the second best option, the first being that perfect plan of ours. The next best alternative is not to stop, it’s not to feel entitled and betrayed and be overwhelmed by the feeling of unfairness. It’s to slow down, get your bearings and just do something that in hindsight will be constructive time and not just an empty space of useless memories. The analogy I think of is one with running. Sure, running fast and reaching a target whether it is based on a distance or a time to beat is attractive and should be our first target. We shouldn’t compromise on the easy stuff because I believe people are built to persevere, to outdo, to inspire and motivate themselves. But when that run gets tough, when you start gasping for air and the first thing in mind is to stop, do not stop. Just slow down. Sure it will take more time to recover, but you will recover eventually, a few seconds later while having covered some distance as well; what is to me a win-win situation.

So does it suck when our ‘perfect’ plan goes rogue on us? Yes, it does. Do we need to spend time gathering our thoughts and bearings, staying still to realise what happened? Yes, we are not machines and sometimes we just need to stop to think and to reflect, to understand what happened. But do not confuse stopping as an emergency to stopping for an extended period of time that can be easily titled as a waste. We all know when we start procrastinating, we all know when we start expecting others to get us out of the hole we’ve fallen into. When that happens, you get up, you start with baby steps and then you walk and then you jog and then you go back to running. What else is there to do? Stop? Rest forever and ever? I don’t think that’s something we should wish for ourselves. Just keep moving! It might seem aimless, it might seem like you are just wasting energy but doing that you’re putting yourself in motion, in a much better position to understand what happened, to draw parallels with simpler situations and events, to accept it and get ready for the next big plan; a plan you’ll move into with knowledge you didn’t have before, knowledge from that phase of self-improvement and pure energy from the fact that you could have stopped but you refused and you just kept moving, motivating and inspiring yourself, creating momentum that will lead to more positive things and opportunities. Just keep moving, gather interesting information and you will soon start building your new ‘perfect’ plan.

The power of making decisions at any given time

Listening to the soundtrack of the movie Moonlight gives me a feeling of exploration and deep introspection. It gives me the feeling that I’m examining a situation or an event, an image in my head, in slow motion; being the invisible person that observes everything without anyone present in that situation noticing. Whenever I imagine of something dramatic or when I want to over-emphasize a feeling that otherwise would be fleeting or just another feeling I find myself imagining things happening slowly, in slow motion, giving me time to visualise the way the light hits the subjects in an image in my head, a memory, savouring the moment, making it important, giving it substance and weight and in general being stuck in that moment of time in my head, in a vacuum, while time passes by, while the world keeps on moving, things changing without missing a beat. What is this urge to select a moment and make it dramatic, a myth? What is this need to opt out from the reality in front of my eyes and through the help of some music through my noise-isolating earphones escape into sadness or happiness, into a parallel universe where feelings are strong, where something of importance is happening, where small details are noticed and enlarged, specs become planets in orbit reflecting the sunlight in a grandiose way. Is it imagination? Sure. Is it the world that an introvert lives in and is reserved only to that introvert? Makes sense. Is it for the creative, the romantic, the nostalgic, the person who calls upon a muse to be inspired? Why not. It can be definitely all the above but there are times where being a bit cynical and realistic saves the day. Specifically it saves your time, the only resource you have that is truly finite in the most impactful way possible.

Being bored, not being involved in meaningful activities, not developing meaningful relationships and in general not covering all the human needs; the brain sparking and activating on all cylinders; is also something that can bring the need to create these parallel universes where importance and emphasis is given to things not worth your attention. Things that are the resistance, the procrastination itself, the excuse for why your life is not what it should be, the reason why you over-rely on your imagination to shed some light and colour in your seemingly boring life. While this can be a useful mechanism, it can also be an easy way out. We all have the power of making decisions at any given time. Does anyone really know what the best decision at that point in time is; what is the absolute best alternative to wasting too much time in day-dreaming and thinking of what-ifs? Probably not. But we all definitely know the way to it. We know that even though we don’t know what the future holds and hence which decision is most strategically sound, I’m doing my best at this specific point in time, with my current knowledge, experience and best self I can muster, to do my best, to stir myself towards what seems now the best direction for me. We all have this power and it’s okay to reserve excuses for our lazy days, our days of doubt and uncertainty, where the world is moving too fast, when the variables and data are too much to comprehend. Accepting the existence of weak days allows us to know that they are only days that come but will eventually go, it’s a cycle that everyone goes through. There’s no time for superheros but there’s time for real people that live life in a human way; doing their best, growing in spirit and mind every day, making one step every day on a journey of good faith towards the unknown destination.

We all have the power to dream and inspire ourselves, think of otherworldy realities and universes. However, let’s not forget our inner self, the self that is who surfaces when you go to sleep, when no clothes and brands, images and sounds cloud your true self, the image of you in your own head. Let’s feed that self, let’s acknowledge it’s power of making decisions at any given time, decisions that even though imperfect are as perfect as possible. Let’s acknowledge that that self will not betray you, that it knows what to decide for your best interest, for your growth, for your well-being, for your overall development. That is a true superpower; believing in our ability to know the true north when co-ordinates are nowhere to be found.

Stress and glitches

This is about how we go through life trying to alleviate stress. Sounds like a modern facebook post by a page that wants to provide life-hacks to the people browsing news feed. I guess stress is a common enemy these days. Everyone seems to be on the right track with many things: greener environment, more equality on several levels, healthier bodies and also about enjoying life more. When i say people i include myself as well as everything i write here is my own perspective and hence subjective. Why is stress such an issue? Watching Don Draper from Mad Men contemplating his life and his decisions in a skyscraper apartment, being drunk while drinking whisky and smoking a cigarette I can’t stop and think of why do some people suffer so much? Why do some real people get to put their lives in such a disorder while spending the rest of their lives trying to bring it back in order? Why don’t we get things right from the get-go? It seems like we are wild animals thrown in a new jungle and we are having a hard time to adjust and it seems we are out of place. Like we designed our life’s environment for ourselves but we can’t fit in there. How are people so bad in doing what is healthy for them, in every way? I think it’s because we missed going through some basics in the process of reaching our ‘ideal self’. We missed going through the basics that make us happy: relationships, needs and fulfilment. I guess it is true that people are naturally drawn to challenges and puzzles, we are restless either because we are wired that way or because we choose to be flooded daily with information that doesn’t help us to focus, to calm down and think in simpler terms. That’s why we have to prioritise, to be less thinkers and more doers, so much to think and so much to do but for some, including myself, so much easier to do the former just by reacting to various stimuli we expose ourselves to, every single day. Why all this confusion? Why does this post approach the problem of confusion-generated stress through even more confusing questions? I guess being a person within modern societies one is naturally confused in the path of finding ‘the truth’, ‘oneself’ or happiness. Calmness inducing activities that bring you closer to a simpler, less confused self such as meditating, travelling or being exposed to nature tend to reduce the confusion. As a software programmer tries to find what doesn’t work in his line of coding, or tries to find a simpler way to achieve B from A, thinking about the way people think allows me to use an analogy for a biological glitch, a confusion within our brains. Focussing too much on the problem sometimes turns to be inefficient and a waste of energy. The glitch doesn’t go away by doing more of that necessarily. It is more likely to go away through doing something differently and if you are lucky, with less resources i.e. with less thinking time. A popular saying is, insanity is doing the same thing every time and expecting a different result, and i think it can explain the above in some way or an other. Another pop-philosophical approach suggests that the objective or goal is not as important really as the journey and the experiences within that journey. Being a person who has found great joy from new experiences and literal journeys through travelling, I think journeys are increasingly responsible for facing glitches, either by correcting them or bypassing them. Is a problem you focus on of such great importance? Maybe you are focussing on the wrong problem. Maybe you have more options than you would like to think. Maybe multiple options create more obstacles than they would encourage moving ahead. Regardless of more and more confusing thoughts, I think it’s important we do things that makes us come closer to a simpler self either that is travelling or in general experiencing something new, in order to eliminate or to certainly be aware of our own glitches so that we feel in control and reduce the stress in our lives. I think it’s a solid solution to what we can do before we can gain the maturity and wisdom of old age when glitches and confusion will be things of the past, strange little puzzles that stand between us and our honest self, giving us a hard time and not allowing us to see what the problem really is. Until then, let’s be simple, let’s think in a more ‘tidy’ manner, one step at a time.