Month: April 2017

We all make plans in our heads. In fact I personally love them. The feeling of control and progress with no obstacles is something that is pure comfort. However, many times things don’t unravel in a predictable manner. Things will suck and let you know, you’re just another person, you should get your head out of the clouds, and that to be happy and care-free you need to work for it. There’s no rest for someone who wants things to go his way. In those sucky occasions the first check we all do is ask ourselves if we’ve made everything we could to avoid this; if we intuitively or factually knew this would happen but hoped things would be fine or disrespected the fact that things can so easily go wrong. When I pass this check I feel guilt-free and I give myself a pat on the shoulder.

So what do you do next? What do you do when a seemingly good, long-term plan looks just plainly tough to reconstruct after it shattered in unrecognisable pieces? What do you do when things aren’t as self-explaining as you expected and when you need to fight confusion and self-doubt and prepare the field for the next ‘perfect plan’? The answer is do something. Do not just stop to think of the what ifs, to reminisce on what could be a parallel universe if things went your way on that particular occasion. This is something we all do; we feel betrayed; we ask ‘why me?’, we compare ourselves to others. Instead we should take the loss as a champ and go back to work.

What work? I’m lost, that was my objective, I’m now confused and demotivated. That is when you should do something that appeals to your mature and wise side. Do something and in fact something that will lead to self-improvement. This could be anything: from reading books that you feel you always avoided and know will give you a fresh perspective on a subject, spend more time on a hobby to decompress and in general put in the time to develop a skill or accumulate some kind of knowledge that is not just time spent aimlessly on Youtube or a bad tv series or something that in hindsight would be a waste of time. The philosophy of kaizen, or continuous improvement, suggests that changes don’t need to be big based on the simple fact that all people are resistanct to change more or less on the same level (more on kaizen maybe on a different post in the future). Be wise and mature and appreciate the importance of incremental changes, of the fact that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, that all people who master something have put in those golden 10,000 hours of deep practice. It doesn’t happen in a day and it wouldn’t be as beneficial if it did.

You just need to sometimes believe blindly, even when things do not look like they’re going anywhere or when efforts aren’t fruitful, that putting in the time every day on anything constructive is the second best option, the first being that perfect plan of ours. The next best alternative is not to stop, it’s not to feel entitled and betrayed and be overwhelmed by the feeling of unfairness. It’s to slow down, get your bearings and just do something that in hindsight will be constructive time and not just an empty space of useless memories. The analogy I think of is one with running. Sure, running fast and reaching a target whether it is based on a distance or a time to beat is attractive and should be our first target. We shouldn’t compromise on the easy stuff because I believe people are built to persevere, to outdo, to inspire and motivate themselves. But when that run gets tough, when you start gasping for air and the first thing in mind is to stop, do not stop. Just slow down. Sure it will take more time to recover, but you will recover eventually, a few seconds later while having covered some distance as well; what is to me a win-win situation.

So does it suck when our ‘perfect’ plan goes rogue on us? Yes, it does. Do we need to spend time gathering our thoughts and bearings, staying still to realise what happened? Yes, we are not machines and sometimes we just need to stop to think and to reflect, to understand what happened. But do not confuse stopping as an emergency to stopping for an extended period of time that can be easily titled as a waste. We all know when we start procrastinating, we all know when we start expecting others to get us out of the hole we’ve fallen into. When that happens, you get up, you start with baby steps and then you walk and then you jog and then you go back to running. What else is there to do? Stop? Rest forever and ever? I don’t think that’s something we should wish for ourselves. Just keep moving! It might seem aimless, it might seem like you are just wasting energy but doing that you’re putting yourself in motion, in a much better position to understand what happened, to draw parallels with simpler situations and events, to accept it and get ready for the next big plan; a plan you’ll move into with knowledge you didn’t have before, knowledge from that phase of self-improvement and pure energy from the fact that you could have stopped but you refused and you just kept moving, motivating and inspiring yourself, creating momentum that will lead to more positive things and opportunities. Just keep moving, gather interesting information and you will soon start building your new ‘perfect’ plan.

Listening to the soundtrack of the movie Moonlight gives me a feeling of exploration and deep introspection. It gives me the feeling that I’m examining a situation or an event, an image in my head, in slow motion; being the invisible person that observes everything without anyone present in that situation noticing. Whenever I imagine of something dramatic or when I want to over-emphasize a feeling that otherwise would be fleeting or just another feeling I find myself imagining things happening slowly, in slow motion, giving me time to visualise the way the light hits the subjects in an image in my head, a memory, savouring the moment, making it important, giving it substance and weight and in general being stuck in that moment of time in my head, in a vacuum, while time passes by, while the world keeps on moving, things changing without missing a beat. What is this urge to select a moment and make it dramatic, a myth? What is this need to opt out from the reality in front of my eyes and through the help of some music through my noise-isolating earphones escape into sadness or happiness, into a parallel universe where feelings are strong, where something of importance is happening, where small details are noticed and enlarged, specs become planets in orbit reflecting the sunlight in a grandiose way. Is it imagination? Sure. Is it the world that an introvert lives in and is reserved only to that introvert? Makes sense. Is it for the creative, the romantic, the nostalgic, the person who calls upon a muse to be inspired? Why not. It can be definitely all the above but there are times where being a bit cynical and realistic saves the day. Specifically it saves your time, the only resource you have that is truly finite in the most impactful way possible.

Being bored, not being involved in meaningful activities, not developing meaningful relationships and in general not covering all the human needs; the brain sparking and activating on all cylinders; is also something that can bring the need to create these parallel universes where importance and emphasis is given to things not worth your attention. Things that are the resistance, the procrastination itself, the excuse for why your life is not what it should be, the reason why you over-rely on your imagination to shed some light and colour in your seemingly boring life. While this can be a useful mechanism, it can also be an easy way out. We all have the power of making decisions at any given time. Does anyone really know what the best decision at that point in time is; what is the absolute best alternative to wasting too much time in day-dreaming and thinking of what-ifs? Probably not. But we all definitely know the way to it. We know that even though we don’t know what the future holds and hence which decision is most strategically sound, I’m doing my best at this specific point in time, with my current knowledge, experience and best self I can muster, to do my best, to stir myself towards what seems now the best direction for me. We all have this power and it’s okay to reserve excuses for our lazy days, our days of doubt and uncertainty, where the world is moving too fast, when the variables and data are too much to comprehend. Accepting the existence of weak days allows us to know that they are only days that come but will eventually go, it’s a cycle that everyone goes through. There’s no time for superheros but there’s time for real people that live life in a human way; doing their best, growing in spirit and mind every day, making one step every day on a journey of good faith towards the unknown destination.

We all have the power to dream and inspire ourselves, think of otherworldy realities and universes. However, let’s not forget our inner self, the self that is who surfaces when you go to sleep, when no clothes and brands, images and sounds cloud your true self, the image of you in your own head. Let’s feed that self, let’s acknowledge it’s power of making decisions at any given time, decisions that even though imperfect are as perfect as possible. Let’s acknowledge that that self will not betray you, that it knows what to decide for your best interest, for your growth, for your well-being, for your overall development. That is a true superpower; believing in our ability to know the true north when co-ordinates are nowhere to be found.